I have never in my life had a more eventful friday, jesus.
The ocean is falling and it’s flashing pink.
I get to a point where I fell completely lost. Yeah middle-class-angsty-white-teenage-girl, typical, I know. But it’s these moments where I stop caring about everything that’s currently happening, and just almost everyone that I’m talking to right now. Not because of them, because of course I certainly do still care about them. But I just begin to lose all motivation to put in any effort. Instead of being inside listening to music and talking to the same people on Facebook, I(‘m/was) out side doing yoga for half an hour in the pouring rain. It was delightful, to just get out of doing the same thing I do every night. It felt peaceful.
And I think trying to maintain that peace is what make’s me so content at the moment. With just everything, with being alone, and being this so called “lost”. In fact perhaps the word lost isn’t an accurate depiction of my emotions. With it’s negative connotations and such. I suppose to others I would describe this odd brush of emotions as a slump, but their not in fact, I almost feel like right now is one of the weirdest stages in my life, as cliche and stupid as that sounds. And all I want to do is leave. Not with friends, not with family, but completely on my own. I want to hike the ruins of Machu Picchu, and walk the streets of New Delhi. I want to relive the moments of my past, if I got the chance to meditate with Chinese monks in Hong Kong again or witness the sea turtles laying their eggs on the shores of Costa Rica under the millions of stars, I would be forever grateful. So, I suppose I don’t really feel lost at all, maybe just the opposite, I think I just feel so completely free. Only problem is, I have nothing to do, and no place to go with this sense of freedom.
